You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
