I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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