I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize
