I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize