i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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