does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
His hands were made for my vagina.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
