i just sent this text using only my big toe
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
