Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Quick, to the slutcave!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
