so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
