Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
