i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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