i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
