My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
