My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
being pregnant is like rehab
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
