so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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