I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
