you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
