You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
