non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
