I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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