Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
