i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
