I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
