you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
