im six kinds of drunk right now
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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