The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
