I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
