your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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