the condom got lost in my hair
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You may now shotgun with the bride
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
