Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
