she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
