Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
