It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
