Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
