its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
