What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
