All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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