I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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