I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
