bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
