oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
