I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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