At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
