I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
