That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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