but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
