I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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