Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just threw up on my dentist
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I forgot how hot balto sounded
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
