White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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