Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
