Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
