i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
