I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
