no, he came in my armpit
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
