Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize