An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
