Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
