I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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