I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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