im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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