I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
is it fun? or sober?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
