your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
birth control should be required to get into college
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize