there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
