There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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