Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
