i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
