Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
