Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Can Purell be used as lube?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
