we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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