I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize