It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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