Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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