the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
