He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
