her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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