just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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