Don't you send me to vm
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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