well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
