youre lurking in front of me
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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