what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
