ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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