things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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