Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Did I show you my penis last night?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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