I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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