Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
