I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
