so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
