Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
